Interview with Clayton Johnson

When I found out about this blog, I knew I had to call my best friend right away. Clayton Johnson didn't answer on my first dial, but after repeatedly dialing him, he finally picked up. Here's what happened:











Elliot- Hey Clayton! Long time no speak. How is life treating you?

Clayton- I need more candy bars!!!!!!!!

E- Now calm down, Clayton. I think we all remember from La Petite how to ask nicely.

C- You're right. Sometimes I get a little excited. Especially when I see Manute Bol on tv. I get such a boner.

E- Well that's a little strange, Clayton. Say Clayton, how did you get so portly and tall?

C- It's definitely got to be all the cheeseburgers. And the chicken nuggets and mashed potatoes from daycare. Those things really did a number on me. But look at me now, I'm a football player and a good one too! Oh and also, the handskies from Ms. Karen. She was my inspiration.

E- Ms. Karen you say? I always had a thing for Mrs. Bossman. God she loved the Buffalo Bills.

C- I HAVE RED HAIR AND NO PUBES!

E- Clayton, that seems a little bit off subject. Maybe we should send you to fat camp. It really worked for Keenan.

C- Late at night, I touch myself thinking about the bark chips from La Petite.

E- Yes, I believe we all do. They could be made into such sharp weapons! Now Clayton, if you were in Madden, what would your skills be?

C- Let's see. I'd be a 30 Speed, 25 agility, 5 arm strength, 80 toughness (I'm real tough), and 10 injury. You might call me a rich man's Ethan Albright.

E- Congratulations Mr. Johnson. You're the fattest boy in camp.

C- That's it! I'm sick of this interview. All you do is make fun of me! I'm hanging up.

E- Thank you for your time. What will you be doing after we hang up?

C- I'm gonna stick my dick into a light socket. Peace!

End of Interview


Aloha bitches